cheer up cheer up cheer up!!! (tomorrow is no longer hump day)

Childhood is an interesting time because your world is so small. Everyone is invested in your life…your parents, teachers, friends all contribute so closely to your well-being, education, and social life. <<< what a carefully constructed (NOT!) intro sentence lol

Adulthood is sort of where this all goes to poop. With independence comes…well independence. At first it’s welcomed and the feeling you get is liberation and excitement – but I think for everyone, there comes a time where it gets old…and then you’re stuck doing everything alone. I think “asking for help” is a universal quote meant to make you feel better about this position you’re in…but really everyone needs help and is too busy focused on their own problems. What is the problem? I started mid-thought…I guess the problem is now feeling small in a big world…

…and there are really only two solutions, as this is sort of how I analyze my problems now – problem?whatisthesolution?quick.

1. Live a simpler life – “problems” are forever this analogy of “weight on your shoulders” and by lightening the load you are less likely to be crushed by said problems. Examples? Okay, throw away junk you don’t need, focus on the now, don’t spread yourself too thin, learn to say NO!

2. Accept the help you still get – latch on to anyone that still cares. Latch on via appreciation, lolol…be grateful and positive to people that show interest in your life. Open up, talk about your feelings, don’t push people away (even if they are sometimes annoying…everyone will be a little more annoying than yourself…don’t think of it as “lowering the bar”), see friendships for what they really are!

I rarely proofread these things but I noticed how this sort of sounds like an advice column addressed to an audience. There is no audience lol. only me!!! future self – PLZ RELAX, read some fanfiction, go for a run, listen to your emo throwback music playlist that slowly transitions into songs like Build Me Up Buttercup!!!!!

:^) the world is good!!!


lady problems

I don’t mean to post something every day, but I have an interesting story! Tonight I timed my run with the sunset so that I wouldn’t be caught running in the dark. During my post-run stretch, this woman enters the track and asks me, “are you starting or finishing?” Confused, I simply answer “finishing,” and she replies, a little disappointed, “alright, I’ll try to be careful.” Hmmm…is this woman…scared to walk in the dark? Duh. Short story – I offer to keep running until she’s finished (which ended up being like 30 minutes more, lol).

When I’m walking somewhere at night and see a lone woman walking on the same side of the sidewalk, I always make it a point to cross the street or walk in the road when I pass them. I’m pretty paranoid myself, and I couldn’t imagine what it’s like to be a woman in the same situation…but that sucks. Being afraid of being robbed, harassed, or hurt because you’re “an easy target.”

Beep beep. This is like my second social issue post in two days…not a poser I promise. I guess it’s just important to remember that other people face completely different problems. But for real, lets just all be nice to one another 😛

This is a cute action shot of white-tailed deer butts. You can tell because they have white tails :^) Come back and play!!!


treat yo self (once in awhile, probably on your cheat day).

A lot of my grad school applications asked me how I would contribute to the diversity of the school, and how has my diversity made me a better applicant. In general, I think being a part of a minority ultimately makes you thick skinned (I’m actually really sensitive, HA), jaded (true), and a fighter (I guess this could be both physically and mentally, lol). This is all hypothetical…I had trouble pinpointing a specific example…blah blah blah.

Today at work, a group of kids swarmed me and started asking me questions about “being Chinese.” While I am completely used to questions like “where are you from?” and “do you speak Chinese?” I am always blown away that some people go through so many years of life and are ignorant to “different people.” I can’t really blame anyone on city demographics…but seriously, kids see everything on the internet. Anyways, I take answering these questions seriously…because I usually give kids the benefit of the doubt (curiosity? pssh…). I guess my point is that basic morals like “treat others the way you want to be treated” should be universally taught. Like not chanted in schools, but maybe ingrained through parenting…or experience…idk, I’m not a parent. I have a conclusion to this story, I promise. Anyways, the questions started transitioning to things like “is Jackie Chan your dad?” (also I hate this question because Jackie Chan will always be a potential father to me because of our age difference) and “is everyone called Ching Chong?” Wait a minute…these questions have become jokes…because of my race.

This black kid speaks up and tells his dumb friends to leave me alone. I really appreciated that and said thank you, haha. He replied, “people are so ignorant – someone asks me every day if I’m from Africa.” Doesn’t that suck? That personal boundaries are crossed so easily because someone is that tactless?

I hate myself for ranting about this…not because there is some other social stigma that makes me embarrassed to do so…but because I hate rants on social media, lol. But since this is more like a journal (I hate the word diary…must be it’s association to only girls using them…sexism omg), I forgive myself.

I ate 6 tablespoons of Peter Pan peanut butter as I wrote this post…that is about 600 unnecessary calories right there…I suck, lol.


One quality about coming-of-age gay movies that really warms my heart is the sheepishness of the characters. I really love the development of first, discovering what you want, and then second, going for it. I think this is a really important message for anyone in a similar position of developing sexual orientation…it’s confusing as it is for heterosexual relationships!! I know this isn’t realistic of every experience, but damn, there are a lot of really sad, terrible (because it’s sad) gay movie endings. Sometimes it’s just refreshing to watch some kids get it right.

— beep beep — watch the trailer below — beep beep —

Jongens is another foreign film that captures a really beautiful experience of discovering that you like other dudes. Not that it’s not beautiful to like ladies, but this movie really cut all the crap and stigma surrounding gay relationships. I’m so used to the movie conflicts being about acceptance and bullying…this movie, on the other hand, centers around a kid and his self-realization. That’s it. Beautiful cinematography for a “TV movie.” The minimal dialogue was perfect…the actors were really convincing. Idk, my heart was quite warm afterwards.

Spoiler spoiler:

I love a happy ending…and it’s not all that unrealistic. If you are surrounded with rational, loving people, they will remain that way…so…follow your heart, dudes.

I met a real life Vernon today!

Just came across an old prompt that was super pertinent to my day!

Moved to Tears

Do movies, songs, or other forms of artistic expression easily make you cry? Tell us about a recent tear-jerking experience!

Haha, okay so the short answer to this question is, all of the above. Let me just preface this by saying that I wasn’t always a crier. I owe it all to spending my last two years of college living with one! My roommate had a weakness to all things sentimental, which is so great and cute, because I think everyone should be able to tap into that part of themselves! Anyways, I started the day out with a couple YouTube videos (we have a Facebook message thread of things we find funny or tearjerking) of military-home-returning (is there a name for this?). Needless to say, I bawled like a baby before I even put my glasses on and got out of bed, lol. This must have set the tone for the rest of the day, because I would later find myself crying at Robin Williams tribute videos, the movie What to Expect When You’re Expecting, and reading old cards and letters I’ve received in the past 5 years or so.

I don’t think this makes me a crybaby – I think it’s important to cry! Sometimes it’s part of self-realization about things that I’m unhappy about in my life…today it was loneliness. After a good cry, I listen to sad music until I realize how silly I am for being sad. I guess without sadness, happiness wouldn’t exist either…and I like being happy :^)

ran out of dayquil

Achoo achoo – a full blown cold will definitely hit me tomorrow morning 😦 As I look back on how my parents used to treat my colds as a kid, I’m really surprised that I’m still alive. To refresh my memory a bit, I told my dad that I was feeling sick…his solution? Dig up a bottle of old antibiotics from 2001 (which has this weird phenomenon of seeming a lot more recent than it is…really, any year in this decade seems like “last year” to me), prescribed to my mom for a urinary tract infection. Very surprised that I am alive. I refuse to participate in antibiotic resistance!!!  Muhc too tired to remember the past few days, and much too tired to spell check…I will see how I feel tomorrow!

Note to self: keeping a pillow between my knees is one million times more comfortable…and keeps the body pillow from escaping my sleep snuggle.

happy pants weather, everyone!!!

Actual bear-related content!!! Alert alert! So this morning my mom and I agree that “this is our favorite mug.” We’ve had it in our cupboard since the dawn of time, and at first glance, it’s a pretty cute mug, right? Wrong, lol. Until further inspection, I gasped and realized that this mug…is basically bear porn. That’s right. Bear porn….TAKE A LOOK FOR YOURSELF! At first I tried to justify it as “bears playing,” and some of them could definitely convince someone with poor vision or under dim lighting…but what. I’m pretty sure this is a bear orgy, and this is a pretty sick nasty mug. Sick nasty as in awesome. Because despite how graphic the images are, this mug is a one-of-a-kind (probably not), ugly brown heirloom mug that makes my coffee look extra brown in the AM. And on that note, it is bed time!

P.S. Can’t wait to use this sucker tomorrow :^)